Where does self-trust come from?

Cultivating the inner voice

“But little by little,
as you left their voice behind,
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice
which you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,
determined to do
the only thing you could do --
determined to save
the only life that you could save.”

- Mary Oliver, “The Journey”

I generally trust myself to make a good decision. I realised recently that this is something I value about myself but that I often take for granted. 

We’re in a period where I’m having to make a lot of decisions about education, work, finances, how we spend our time and how to approach new situations different members of the family are encountering.

And it’s struck me that though the things outside of my control are daunting, I have a deep trust in my own ability to make choices that I can live with. 

So while I might agonise over what to do at times, when I settle into myself, I generally know that I can make a good decision. 

Even if the choices I make will seem strange to others. Even if they will disappoint them. I can live with their disappointment more easily than I did in the past. What a relief.

I’ve been thinking about where self-trust comes from. Wanting to protect children’s ability to listen to and trust themselves is a big part of the movement to parent and work with children in ways that respect their autonomy. The hope is that they won’t accrue the baggage so many of us have.

We can only do this with confidence if we trust ourselves. That’s how we model it too. 

There are a few things that help me develop and strengthen my self-trust day to day, that help me satisfy myself that I’m making a decision that I can live with, even if it means changing my mind later.