an added layer to this kind of influencer peddling is that it’s often under the guise of “community”
these influencers use language to address their paying clients as friends and beloveds.
if you have to pay someone to be in community it makes me question whether communities are being built, or if it’s just clientele.
i can only work part time from home now that i have full on teenagers, and even so; i have to step away when my family needs me. i can’t fathom doing this with toddlers and early year kiddos.
I really agree with this point about paid community. Whilst I think people's time and skills should be valued and there is nothing wrong with asking for payment, let's not call it community - it's paid membership, or a business provider and customer relationship. Calling it community feels like an underhand way of exploiting people's genuine and sometimes desperate need for connection (it feels especially off since the lockdown).
This is such an interesting conversation. I think you're right that again it's about transparency and that we should be taking particular care over others' vulnerabilities.
Thanks for sharing that about how space for work at home has opened up now that your kids are much older. My kids are 12, 10 and 7 so we're definitely not there yet!
I think it depends on the community. If someone is giving their time to facilitate, moderate, provide workshops, group sessions, etc, I think they have the right to put a price on their time and effort, and it probably means they can then put more energy into doing that work. I'm in various communities paid and underpaid for work, personal support, etc. It depends on what I think I get from them. I'm definitely not anti people making money from support roles. Current systems already do a good job of undervaluing our softer skills. One of the reasons I couldn't keep going as a breastfeeding counsellor, for instance, was that I couldn't justify taking that time away from my family without being paid.
i agree that we have to be able to make money, and also don’t want to be mistaken for saying people shouldn’t. i think what i’m speaking to is moreso the analysis of power - when you pay someone to be in “community” (and to some points already stated in this thread around desperation) who holds the power? are they seen as an authority on a partially subject? where is the line for exploitation and downright extortion in some cases?
i agree with others here that we should call things what they are, and not prop up the systems we are trying to dismantle by inadvertently becoming someone(s) guru.
Thank you for speaking on this some more. I agree with you that we need to think about the power dynamics here. I hadn't thought about the impact of language but I agree! I run a learning community for tweens and teens, and while it is a community for the young people and facilitators, the parents are paying customers and the team is the service provider. I think having the clarity is important for boundaries and it hasn't always been there. Lots for me to think about some more!
Coming back to say, Katherine, to check out the other comment threads about the community issue. I don't think I fully understood where you were coming from and I was talking past the problem with calling something a community when it's actually a paid membership. My example about breastfeeding support wasn't really applicable because the community support we were giving should be funded but I don't think it should have been funded by service users anyway.
Sorry, I am terrible for leaving brief comments without a full explanation (as I’ve been interrupted twice already whilst writing this you can see why it happens 😂). I suppose I’ve been thinking a lot recently of the ethics of online paid communities and gate keeping and access to information but also people being paid for their knowledge and having boundaries, and I’m seeing everything through that lens right now. I have no issue with things like your learning community, that absolutely needs paying for (even if in an ideal world this was something available for all children for free as an education model). Will go and check out the other threads, thank you.
I would prefer that my learning community and things like it were also not paid for by service users (gov funding if the gov supported consent-based education? UBI?)! And I think it's really important to keep the costs as low as possible (and be transparent about finances) to avoid become exploitative.
This is a really interesting discussion (Meghan, Adele, Susannah, Katherine and others...) about the "paid community' thing. I've been running an online meditation community for Mothers (Mama Sangha) for free for nearly 5 years now. However, I've recently started asking people to pay to subscribe/join because continuing to offer it for free was completely unsustainable... I think we have to be realistic here and acknowledge that many of these genuinely authentic communities would just cease to exist if the Mothers running them couldn't receive the financial exchange for their time/energy/excessive admin involved!
i totally agree that sustainability is important. and everything can't always be free - we should not conflate sustainability with exploitive practices with paywalls that aren't accessible.
i too, run a completely free community. i keep a patreon up and running to help cover all my costs (w/o labor) and have had to embrace co-creation and volunteerism within the community. we are also always looking to flatten hierarchy and make our space and events safe and equitable.
this is not something that everyone can do, and i acknowledge that. accessibility is where the discernment comes in - sliding scales, pay what you can, funding from folks who CAN pay more, etc.
there's also a major piece here around being perceived as an expert or authority when you place a price tag on the information you share, which can be a little sticky with creating courses and workshops etc. applying an intersectional analysis to this kind of "business model" calls for examining power, especially for White women.
Thanks for writing this. I've been in a discussion group about this very thing. If folks wanna pedal the mom-preneur deal, they gotta open up about life behind the screen. Who's with the kids? Who's washing the dishes? Who's making sure you have groceries and all the things?
in my view it’s privilege behind the screen, typically.
economic privilege, racial privilege, community privilege (family help, forest schools and other drop offs)…
an even further of a stretch to this is that neglect can occur on these homes of the most privileged while they cosplay “the mom that does it all” and the authorities and neighbors don’t question or bat an eye the way they would if mothers who don’t carry the above privileges did the same (see radical unschooling)
this all connects to upholding the ideals of the cult of motherhood (Angela Davis: Women, Race + Class) the ideal standard that was set by white women “running a household” while Black and Brown women cared for their homes and children.
Now women want to bring that ideal standard back by making references to a past that had a secret to how it was done, without acknowledging it.
They want to obtain power and influence (and freedom) of the white man… and are playing the white mans game to hustle their way to the top.
So much richness in this comment. Thank you for adding this to the discussion. You've taken it to another depth. "Now women want to bring that ideal standard back by making references to a past that had a secret to how it was done, without acknowledging it." <---I think like any of this stuff, a lot of women are doing this unconsciously, which is why it's so important for us to talk about privilege, understand history and be real with ourselves and each other about what we're seeing and what we're doing.
💯For suuuuure a lot is totally unbeknownst to the women perpetuating it - it’s important to discuss in our circles, communities and message boards alike, because awareness will help us wake up to the systems that built these unconscious biases and the ways they motivate us.
for anyone reading, i certainly am not tearing other women down for trying to better themselves. policing is a tool of the oppressor, but I realize comments lack tone and nuance and can be misread 🙏🏼
yes! read this earlier in the week and just coming back to comment now. the "I quit my job to go and live the wild free life in Bali with my kids...you can do it too" enrages me because it's always followed by some kind of scheme you have to sign up to...(I had to google what MLM is :)) It makes me sad because the basis of this is always one woman thriving by "selling' her lifestyle to other women who want to "break free". And we all know that's not the game. It has to be rising together, through chipping away at the shitty structures that make us all feel like we want to run away in the first place. Not "I rise" by selling you this lie... (sad face)
There is definitely a huge issue with MLM and "course creator" culture seeping into UK home ed. It's been in the US for ages but we've stayed mostly free of it. My issue with it is similar to you, that it ignores the reality of childcare and how we end up needing to work, that it's a symptom of larger issues - lack of access to resources, crumbling social safety net, insufficient and unsafe schools. I think it goes past that as well to the predatory nature of the internet. The woman on tiktok shilling for a paid facebook group and selling information picked up from the community is predatory. The people selling a lifestyle aesthetic that anyone can achieve if they just spend enough money, a tad predatory. It's a pyramid scheme - "you too can afford this if you also sell how you're affording this by charging people to be told that you afford this by charging people to tell them how you afford this".
That being said, a couple of the comments below are really not it. There is no reason that someone has to seek the aesthetics of "slow living" in order to home educate. My kids were home educating and thriving just as much in a lightning paced city as they are now in a national park, probably moreso in many ways. I want my kids to know what it looks like to work and manage life, to create my own projects and achieve, to set goals and realise them. I don't want them to think that life is all prairie dresses and duck eggs, not that there's anything wrong with that but it's not my reality and never will be. My own experience is that I didn't grow up with a lot (beyond a ferociously loving and dedicated and loving family, which means the world), and I've worked hard so that they might have access to what I didn't, and that doesn't necessarily mean "hustle culture". I don't want to live with less, and that doesn't mean rampant consumerism. It means security, safety, preparedness, and freedom of choice that wasn't afforded to so many.
This was great Adele thank you!! I have had many of the same thoughts. I worry when I see mothers doing this because I feel like something, somewhere has to give! It doesn’t quite add up does it? Like - perhaps there are other people (women) paid to make this all happen, that are never mentioned?! Also, like you said I worry that this “I can wear all the hats” thing erases those who actually need home education support they can access, affordable childcare and activities, etc.
Stay at home working homeschooling mama over here. And I can say that the only way I get this done is often. We don't do school. And I don't always work hahaha !!! 😂
So many insightful comments. It makes me feel better about the fact that staying on top of home ed, parenting, maintaining a clean-ish home, putting food on the table and being actively involved in a local community organisation feels like a lot and sometimes too much. These women often give the impression they are supermums who manage to juggle it all and hold down a job too. I'd never really considered what they weren't talking about and at times I have inadvertently allowed it to make me feel rubbish about myself despite all the evidence that my home ed mum friends are all in the same boat of financial sacrifice.
I can really relate to this. I think I end up feeling like I’m enough if I am putting most of my energy and time to supporting my kids and not also creating a thriving business.
It's too much. And it's too easy to find things to beat ourselves with. Home educating parents are struggling enough without the impossible being held up as an ideal.
I feel this. Definitely the 'fit work in around their kids ish". I work late into the evening, and end up stressed and tired during the day. Or I occasionally try to multi task and inevitably trying to quickly send an email whilst also watching a 2 and 5 Yr old ends up being far more stressful than it needs to be. I am contracted 1 day a week but feel the need to be available 24/7. I blame corporate culture but also my inability to extricate myself from that mindset!
Couldn’t agree more! I also feel stay at home moms get pressured into the trap of “well your home so why not start a home business and make money because you can!” I feel into that trap and wasted much of my time as a new mom..by the time my 3rd was born I realized why can’t I just be a mom? Isn’t that enough? 🫣 now I homeschool 5, and I do still write but I’ve taken the pressure off myself and hope to just provide encouragement and knowledge of my topic for others out there.
It's not you, it's not lack of talent, it's not that you're not trying hard enough. I'm so glad you know that. Building a business takes A LOT of work and caring for children is a full time job. I relate to that urge, though, and for me I've never been able to not find other work. That is a creative part of me that I value. But I've had to accept that I can only do as much as the supports I have available to me allow, and that working in bits and pieces does affect my earning. I beat myself up a lot over the years for not "getting my act together" rather than accepting that time is not stretchable.
Yes! So much, I too tried so hard and wondered why I wasn’t seeing success despite my constant efforts…I do believe God was trying to tell me, girl you don’t need this…it’s taken me a while to get to that point..but I’m so glad I’m here now. I love having my small corner of the internet via my blog but I don’t beat myself up if I don’t get something written etc etc, because being a mom comes first and that’s OK. I don’t have child care, my husband works lengthy hours and sometimes when the kids are all sleeping I just want to read or knit…not work. And I’m ok with that!
It's a complicated problem, though, isn't it? We can't and shouldn't do it all but many families also can't live on one income. My family currently relies on mine, small as it is. It's messy. I wish it were slower and simpler.
so much truth! from the post and the comments. I just said this to my spouse & mom pals, why is our mom culture like a pressure cooker?? It seems no matter what, we aren't doing enough. I have a 2 yr old & 5 yr old, left my RN career in 2020 to be mom & start our homeschooling journey...and never felt like I was doing or giving enough, yet I was and still am over doing. Last fall I felt so much financial pressure was on my spouse I thought I could take on starting an e-commerce brand on Amazon & learning from a "community of moms yearning for financial freedom to be free to live your life with your family" hook bait sink. Thousands of debt dollars later, have yet to launch or make a dollar , created so much extra stress for myself and yet to feel any community in it all. Also once I was in this mastermind, I realized how steeped in religion it is, something not for me. Oof! Blame my self for making the choices of course, but 100 percent the social media part did influence me, convinced myself it's possible.
And even when I know & tell myself, doing a great job at this parenting, it's hard to truly believe if I start looking at any social media, instantly my brain compares & gets down. SO silly especially when I'm present with my kids, I know how amazing we all are and what we're doing. Now to get out of this hustle biz lol
I subscribed when I read the title! What really gives me MLM vibes is the way that the women selling this vision are usually selling a product for home educators. What is their model for money making that isn’t marketing internally to this community? Because, just like an MLM, the math doesn’t work out if we’re all selling to each other. A few people will get the cash load, and the rest will feel like they failed somehow.
I resonate a lot with this. I recently had to start working again as my husband’s salary just wasn’t covering the basics like it used to and he wasn’t getting paid by the company he works for. I set up as a virtual assistant and got a contract about 4 weeks ago. My eldest daughter has really struggled with me working. I only work 2.5 hours in the afternoon but the shift in our home life has been palpable. We’ve had regressions from both our girls and are wondering if it’s all worth it (although the money is needed). It’s this struggle that is real. The split in my attention leads to more squabbles, more lolling around and feelings of being lost from them and to be honest I’m working at a time when I would have gone off to do my own thing anyway - end of the day pop upstairs and meditate and read a book. Usually their dad was doing his bit then anyway but for some reason it has really disturbed everything.
I champion the idea that the government needs to invest in better options. I dream for that day
Thanks for this Adele. I just listened to your podcast with Fran, it was so nuanced and important. I’ve ramped up the time my kids are out and socialising, my workload, my husbands workload and the number of different calls I have to keep in the air in order to make things sustainable so I’ve dropped a lot of fun and community this year so it feels topical. I’ve been really struggling with seeing these posts on Instagram next to Palestine posts. There’s a huge about of privilege involved in selling selling or lifestyle on Instagram, and often in the contrast with genocide looks pretty oblivious and gross.
an added layer to this kind of influencer peddling is that it’s often under the guise of “community”
these influencers use language to address their paying clients as friends and beloveds.
if you have to pay someone to be in community it makes me question whether communities are being built, or if it’s just clientele.
i can only work part time from home now that i have full on teenagers, and even so; i have to step away when my family needs me. i can’t fathom doing this with toddlers and early year kiddos.
thanks for writing this, Adele 🫀it’s needed.
I really agree with this point about paid community. Whilst I think people's time and skills should be valued and there is nothing wrong with asking for payment, let's not call it community - it's paid membership, or a business provider and customer relationship. Calling it community feels like an underhand way of exploiting people's genuine and sometimes desperate need for connection (it feels especially off since the lockdown).
This is such an interesting conversation. I think you're right that again it's about transparency and that we should be taking particular care over others' vulnerabilities.
Thanks for sharing that about how space for work at home has opened up now that your kids are much older. My kids are 12, 10 and 7 so we're definitely not there yet!
The community thing has been bothering me too, paying to join a group doesn’t feel like a community.
I think it depends on the community. If someone is giving their time to facilitate, moderate, provide workshops, group sessions, etc, I think they have the right to put a price on their time and effort, and it probably means they can then put more energy into doing that work. I'm in various communities paid and underpaid for work, personal support, etc. It depends on what I think I get from them. I'm definitely not anti people making money from support roles. Current systems already do a good job of undervaluing our softer skills. One of the reasons I couldn't keep going as a breastfeeding counsellor, for instance, was that I couldn't justify taking that time away from my family without being paid.
i agree that we have to be able to make money, and also don’t want to be mistaken for saying people shouldn’t. i think what i’m speaking to is moreso the analysis of power - when you pay someone to be in “community” (and to some points already stated in this thread around desperation) who holds the power? are they seen as an authority on a partially subject? where is the line for exploitation and downright extortion in some cases?
i agree with others here that we should call things what they are, and not prop up the systems we are trying to dismantle by inadvertently becoming someone(s) guru.
Thank you for speaking on this some more. I agree with you that we need to think about the power dynamics here. I hadn't thought about the impact of language but I agree! I run a learning community for tweens and teens, and while it is a community for the young people and facilitators, the parents are paying customers and the team is the service provider. I think having the clarity is important for boundaries and it hasn't always been there. Lots for me to think about some more!
Typo! That was supposed to say “particular subject”
Yeah that’s fair, I think I’m more thinking of expensive membership groups.
Coming back to say, Katherine, to check out the other comment threads about the community issue. I don't think I fully understood where you were coming from and I was talking past the problem with calling something a community when it's actually a paid membership. My example about breastfeeding support wasn't really applicable because the community support we were giving should be funded but I don't think it should have been funded by service users anyway.
Sorry, I am terrible for leaving brief comments without a full explanation (as I’ve been interrupted twice already whilst writing this you can see why it happens 😂). I suppose I’ve been thinking a lot recently of the ethics of online paid communities and gate keeping and access to information but also people being paid for their knowledge and having boundaries, and I’m seeing everything through that lens right now. I have no issue with things like your learning community, that absolutely needs paying for (even if in an ideal world this was something available for all children for free as an education model). Will go and check out the other threads, thank you.
I would prefer that my learning community and things like it were also not paid for by service users (gov funding if the gov supported consent-based education? UBI?)! And I think it's really important to keep the costs as low as possible (and be transparent about finances) to avoid become exploitative.
Also, I really appreciate you taking the time to get into this!
Yes price is definitely an ethics issue! My comment should have read "unpaid" not "underpaid"!
This is a really interesting discussion (Meghan, Adele, Susannah, Katherine and others...) about the "paid community' thing. I've been running an online meditation community for Mothers (Mama Sangha) for free for nearly 5 years now. However, I've recently started asking people to pay to subscribe/join because continuing to offer it for free was completely unsustainable... I think we have to be realistic here and acknowledge that many of these genuinely authentic communities would just cease to exist if the Mothers running them couldn't receive the financial exchange for their time/energy/excessive admin involved!
i totally agree that sustainability is important. and everything can't always be free - we should not conflate sustainability with exploitive practices with paywalls that aren't accessible.
i too, run a completely free community. i keep a patreon up and running to help cover all my costs (w/o labor) and have had to embrace co-creation and volunteerism within the community. we are also always looking to flatten hierarchy and make our space and events safe and equitable.
this is not something that everyone can do, and i acknowledge that. accessibility is where the discernment comes in - sliding scales, pay what you can, funding from folks who CAN pay more, etc.
there's also a major piece here around being perceived as an expert or authority when you place a price tag on the information you share, which can be a little sticky with creating courses and workshops etc. applying an intersectional analysis to this kind of "business model" calls for examining power, especially for White women.
Thanks for writing this. I've been in a discussion group about this very thing. If folks wanna pedal the mom-preneur deal, they gotta open up about life behind the screen. Who's with the kids? Who's washing the dishes? Who's making sure you have groceries and all the things?
in my view it’s privilege behind the screen, typically.
economic privilege, racial privilege, community privilege (family help, forest schools and other drop offs)…
an even further of a stretch to this is that neglect can occur on these homes of the most privileged while they cosplay “the mom that does it all” and the authorities and neighbors don’t question or bat an eye the way they would if mothers who don’t carry the above privileges did the same (see radical unschooling)
this all connects to upholding the ideals of the cult of motherhood (Angela Davis: Women, Race + Class) the ideal standard that was set by white women “running a household” while Black and Brown women cared for their homes and children.
Now women want to bring that ideal standard back by making references to a past that had a secret to how it was done, without acknowledging it.
They want to obtain power and influence (and freedom) of the white man… and are playing the white mans game to hustle their way to the top.
So much richness in this comment. Thank you for adding this to the discussion. You've taken it to another depth. "Now women want to bring that ideal standard back by making references to a past that had a secret to how it was done, without acknowledging it." <---I think like any of this stuff, a lot of women are doing this unconsciously, which is why it's so important for us to talk about privilege, understand history and be real with ourselves and each other about what we're seeing and what we're doing.
💯For suuuuure a lot is totally unbeknownst to the women perpetuating it - it’s important to discuss in our circles, communities and message boards alike, because awareness will help us wake up to the systems that built these unconscious biases and the ways they motivate us.
for anyone reading, i certainly am not tearing other women down for trying to better themselves. policing is a tool of the oppressor, but I realize comments lack tone and nuance and can be misread 🙏🏼
Yes! So much this!
yes! read this earlier in the week and just coming back to comment now. the "I quit my job to go and live the wild free life in Bali with my kids...you can do it too" enrages me because it's always followed by some kind of scheme you have to sign up to...(I had to google what MLM is :)) It makes me sad because the basis of this is always one woman thriving by "selling' her lifestyle to other women who want to "break free". And we all know that's not the game. It has to be rising together, through chipping away at the shitty structures that make us all feel like we want to run away in the first place. Not "I rise" by selling you this lie... (sad face)
There is definitely a huge issue with MLM and "course creator" culture seeping into UK home ed. It's been in the US for ages but we've stayed mostly free of it. My issue with it is similar to you, that it ignores the reality of childcare and how we end up needing to work, that it's a symptom of larger issues - lack of access to resources, crumbling social safety net, insufficient and unsafe schools. I think it goes past that as well to the predatory nature of the internet. The woman on tiktok shilling for a paid facebook group and selling information picked up from the community is predatory. The people selling a lifestyle aesthetic that anyone can achieve if they just spend enough money, a tad predatory. It's a pyramid scheme - "you too can afford this if you also sell how you're affording this by charging people to be told that you afford this by charging people to tell them how you afford this".
That being said, a couple of the comments below are really not it. There is no reason that someone has to seek the aesthetics of "slow living" in order to home educate. My kids were home educating and thriving just as much in a lightning paced city as they are now in a national park, probably moreso in many ways. I want my kids to know what it looks like to work and manage life, to create my own projects and achieve, to set goals and realise them. I don't want them to think that life is all prairie dresses and duck eggs, not that there's anything wrong with that but it's not my reality and never will be. My own experience is that I didn't grow up with a lot (beyond a ferociously loving and dedicated and loving family, which means the world), and I've worked hard so that they might have access to what I didn't, and that doesn't necessarily mean "hustle culture". I don't want to live with less, and that doesn't mean rampant consumerism. It means security, safety, preparedness, and freedom of choice that wasn't afforded to so many.
Slow living is a whole other thing for us to deconstruct. Thank you for raising this. And I want all the things you've named too.
I really related to your post!
This was great Adele thank you!! I have had many of the same thoughts. I worry when I see mothers doing this because I feel like something, somewhere has to give! It doesn’t quite add up does it? Like - perhaps there are other people (women) paid to make this all happen, that are never mentioned?! Also, like you said I worry that this “I can wear all the hats” thing erases those who actually need home education support they can access, affordable childcare and activities, etc.
Stay at home working homeschooling mama over here. And I can say that the only way I get this done is often. We don't do school. And I don't always work hahaha !!! 😂
I hear you there! I also work alongside home educating. I need more childcare. It is a lifestyle I'll be selling no one!
It takes a bloody community to raise these tiny humans it's not ment to be done alone I hope you find yours 🥰
So many insightful comments. It makes me feel better about the fact that staying on top of home ed, parenting, maintaining a clean-ish home, putting food on the table and being actively involved in a local community organisation feels like a lot and sometimes too much. These women often give the impression they are supermums who manage to juggle it all and hold down a job too. I'd never really considered what they weren't talking about and at times I have inadvertently allowed it to make me feel rubbish about myself despite all the evidence that my home ed mum friends are all in the same boat of financial sacrifice.
I can really relate to this. I think I end up feeling like I’m enough if I am putting most of my energy and time to supporting my kids and not also creating a thriving business.
It's too much. And it's too easy to find things to beat ourselves with. Home educating parents are struggling enough without the impossible being held up as an ideal.
I feel this. Definitely the 'fit work in around their kids ish". I work late into the evening, and end up stressed and tired during the day. Or I occasionally try to multi task and inevitably trying to quickly send an email whilst also watching a 2 and 5 Yr old ends up being far more stressful than it needs to be. I am contracted 1 day a week but feel the need to be available 24/7. I blame corporate culture but also my inability to extricate myself from that mindset!
Doing anything around a 5 and 2 year old is a lot! You're in the thick of it!
Couldn’t agree more! I also feel stay at home moms get pressured into the trap of “well your home so why not start a home business and make money because you can!” I feel into that trap and wasted much of my time as a new mom..by the time my 3rd was born I realized why can’t I just be a mom? Isn’t that enough? 🫣 now I homeschool 5, and I do still write but I’ve taken the pressure off myself and hope to just provide encouragement and knowledge of my topic for others out there.
It's not you, it's not lack of talent, it's not that you're not trying hard enough. I'm so glad you know that. Building a business takes A LOT of work and caring for children is a full time job. I relate to that urge, though, and for me I've never been able to not find other work. That is a creative part of me that I value. But I've had to accept that I can only do as much as the supports I have available to me allow, and that working in bits and pieces does affect my earning. I beat myself up a lot over the years for not "getting my act together" rather than accepting that time is not stretchable.
Yes! So much, I too tried so hard and wondered why I wasn’t seeing success despite my constant efforts…I do believe God was trying to tell me, girl you don’t need this…it’s taken me a while to get to that point..but I’m so glad I’m here now. I love having my small corner of the internet via my blog but I don’t beat myself up if I don’t get something written etc etc, because being a mom comes first and that’s OK. I don’t have child care, my husband works lengthy hours and sometimes when the kids are all sleeping I just want to read or knit…not work. And I’m ok with that!
Yep as a home educating mother, I'm not buying what's being sold.
Mother hustle culture makes me queasy.
We cannot, and should not, do it all. Living with less, having a slow simple life is one of the greatest joys of choosing to home educate.
It's a complicated problem, though, isn't it? We can't and shouldn't do it all but many families also can't live on one income. My family currently relies on mine, small as it is. It's messy. I wish it were slower and simpler.
YES TO THIS!!!!
so much truth! from the post and the comments. I just said this to my spouse & mom pals, why is our mom culture like a pressure cooker?? It seems no matter what, we aren't doing enough. I have a 2 yr old & 5 yr old, left my RN career in 2020 to be mom & start our homeschooling journey...and never felt like I was doing or giving enough, yet I was and still am over doing. Last fall I felt so much financial pressure was on my spouse I thought I could take on starting an e-commerce brand on Amazon & learning from a "community of moms yearning for financial freedom to be free to live your life with your family" hook bait sink. Thousands of debt dollars later, have yet to launch or make a dollar , created so much extra stress for myself and yet to feel any community in it all. Also once I was in this mastermind, I realized how steeped in religion it is, something not for me. Oof! Blame my self for making the choices of course, but 100 percent the social media part did influence me, convinced myself it's possible.
And even when I know & tell myself, doing a great job at this parenting, it's hard to truly believe if I start looking at any social media, instantly my brain compares & gets down. SO silly especially when I'm present with my kids, I know how amazing we all are and what we're doing. Now to get out of this hustle biz lol
I subscribed when I read the title! What really gives me MLM vibes is the way that the women selling this vision are usually selling a product for home educators. What is their model for money making that isn’t marketing internally to this community? Because, just like an MLM, the math doesn’t work out if we’re all selling to each other. A few people will get the cash load, and the rest will feel like they failed somehow.
This is so refreshing to read, thank you!
I resonate a lot with this. I recently had to start working again as my husband’s salary just wasn’t covering the basics like it used to and he wasn’t getting paid by the company he works for. I set up as a virtual assistant and got a contract about 4 weeks ago. My eldest daughter has really struggled with me working. I only work 2.5 hours in the afternoon but the shift in our home life has been palpable. We’ve had regressions from both our girls and are wondering if it’s all worth it (although the money is needed). It’s this struggle that is real. The split in my attention leads to more squabbles, more lolling around and feelings of being lost from them and to be honest I’m working at a time when I would have gone off to do my own thing anyway - end of the day pop upstairs and meditate and read a book. Usually their dad was doing his bit then anyway but for some reason it has really disturbed everything.
I champion the idea that the government needs to invest in better options. I dream for that day
Thanks for this Adele. I just listened to your podcast with Fran, it was so nuanced and important. I’ve ramped up the time my kids are out and socialising, my workload, my husbands workload and the number of different calls I have to keep in the air in order to make things sustainable so I’ve dropped a lot of fun and community this year so it feels topical. I’ve been really struggling with seeing these posts on Instagram next to Palestine posts. There’s a huge about of privilege involved in selling selling or lifestyle on Instagram, and often in the contrast with genocide looks pretty oblivious and gross.